This past while has been laboured, full of exams and in my inimitable style, I lumped extra pressure on by participating in a debating competition. 

This round's motion was 'This House Would Welcome Being Governed From The Playing Fields of Eton' We, were the proposition, and we lost, by two points. However, I was nominated for best speaker in the competition, so watch this space. Here's my speech. (I don't agree with anything I've written here, constraints of the debate and all that.)

Madame Chairperson, esteemed ejudicator, members of the opposition and of the floor. The date was the second of December 2009, during prime ministers questions, Gordon Brown lambasted David Cameron for apparently having tax and economic policies ‘dreamt up on the playing fields of Eton.’ This house therefore understands the motion that we would welcome being governed from the fields of eton as welcoming more of these Tory economic policies which Gordon Brown labeled as such. This house, unlike Mr. Brown would heartily embrace the Tory economic policies he so readily scorns. He seems not to understand that the age of ideology is over and that the age of political pragmatism is set to begin.

In my speech I will tackle Labour’s appaling record of wastefulness and the legacy of red tape which is stifling entrepreneurship at a time when it is desperately needed in our economy. I will speak about the banking crisis and how the conservatives have pledged to be tough on those gambling with our cash, thereby proving that the proposals which Gordon think have been dreamt up on the playing fields of Eton will heal our ailing economy. Ms. Kelly will then go on to prove how these policies will effect socio-economic reform, kick start social mobility which has shamefully stalled under Labour. Finally she will comment on how the conservatives, unlike Labour will cut the defecit and not the NHS. 

It is said that New Labour’s lasting legacy will be seen in the red tape we face every day. In a survey of world CEOs by PriceWaterhouseCoopers UK executives complained that they were most affected by government red tape. This results in nine point three million pounds being lost from our economy in excessive administration. This style of red tape also keeps our public services inefficient so the tax payer loses out both in pocket and in quality of service. The conservatives however have proposed a fantastic solution - co-regulation. Professional bodies would be set up, and exist to hold companies to account but which have the adaptability to change quickly in modern times. Of course, these bodies would then be accountable to a more general, umbrella administration of the government, removing lower layers of red tape. This ensures efficiency, flexibility and the ability to change faster than government bodies yet holds up the highest professional standards. If this is the kind of policy ‘dreamt up on the playing fields of eton, this house thinks that the schoolboys there deserve longer lunchtimes!

As we well know, the crises in financial institutions, primarily the banks, needs to be addressed. Labour have sunk vast amounts of cash into the banks, only for the UK to be the last country out of recession by the slimmest margin of 0.1% growth in GDP, the British taxpayer isn’t seeing the benefit of now being the majority shareholder.The public is sick of seeing those who played fast and loose with saver’s money continuing to recieve bonuses and massive pensions. The conservatives, long thought to be the party of the rich, has come out most strongly about the banking malpractice. Their ‘Eton’ proposals spell the end of the gambling culture in banking. They have recognised that where an institution promotes short term profits at the expense of long term shareholder sustainability it must be forced to hold capital to reflect the risk. Equally, where the misalignment of personal incentives and the long term interests of savers exists, those problems will be addressed, eradicated and rectified by the proposed powerful Bank of England. Those that fail to come into line will be punished personally and not lightly either.

Another of the Conservatives etonite policies has been an end to the Tripartide system in banking and the centralisation of authority in the Bank of England for maintaining financial stability. This will crucially bring together the operation of monetary policy with regulation to a powerful central authority, thereby curbing the inefficiencies in multiple organisations being responsible for essentially the same things and will ensure the banking system won’t be built on debt. These measures have been predicted, by independent economic think tank NEF to be able to save the economy six hundred and sixty three million pounds.

Labour has presided over a government where the privatisation of profits took place in the good times, and losses were socialised in the bad times, because we simply could not afford a banking collapse, the government was held to ransom by the banks, this will not be the case should we take these policies on.

In order to rebuild consumer confidence the Consumer Protection Agency will be set up in order to relieve the jumble of Office of Fair Trading and FSA that we currently have in order to ensure that consumers are well informed and that banks cannot take advantage of us or our money. This will ensure a sound, prudent and sensible approach to banking and regulation which will keep our money safe while fostering growth and worldwide confidence and strength.

I defy my opposition to challenge the policies that I have laid out as part of this argument. The policies which Gordon Brown lauded as ‘etonite’ are sound, straightforward and ultimately good for the country as a whole. What Labour have been doing for the past thirteen years is undermining the British economy and plumbing us into recession although, credit to them, they seem to have got us out of the mess they created, however by the slimmest of margins. To illustrate this point, Labour have been driving the car and they have driven it straight into a brick wall, then reversed. Sure, the car may still go, but it most certainly needs a change in direction.

This change in direction is epitomised in the policies which Gordon Brown labeled as from the playing fields of Eton. This the man that sold all of Britain’s gold, like it were a desperate punter phoning Cash4Gold UK. As I have illustrated, these policies laid out by the tories are certainly the path we should be taking. There is substance in the conservative proposals unlike the direction of Labour under Gordon Brown, which as Alan Simpson, Labour MP perceptively stated ‘it had moved from big ideas, to small ideas to no ideas at all.’ This house moves to propose the motion. Support the proposition. Thank you.

SUMMING UP (separate 4 minute speech after all other speakers have had their go)

Ladies and gentlemen, I will say it again, to be governed from the ‘playing fields of Eton’ in the sense that we would wholeheartedly embrace Osbourne’s vision for the Exchequer is no bad thing, contrary to the reactionary, ideological and impractical views of the opposition today.

True, the conservative party of the past had been a dark world of euroskepticism and rabid libertarianism, but the age of ideology is most certainly over and the introduction of Cameron is heralding a new age of political pragmatism. The conservatives are trying to revive a better conservative tradition – liberal-conservatism, red Toryism even, something not unlike the administration of Bill Clinton, who presided over what can only be described as economic delight in America.

Cameron and Osbourne were faced with an ailing Tory party, they had to convince them that fairness matters, that there is such a thing as society and that there is no other option other than to use the state cleverly and purposefully to reform the structures of the now broken British capitalism.

The policies which Brown labeled at Etonian have a direction, a clear purpose to make these structures more efficient and work for everybody inclined to earn their keep. Removing red tape will make it easier to run a business. Regulating the banks properly will let people be safe in the knowledge that their savings aren’t being gambled with. Banks should be smaller, compete more and not be focused on playing roulette with derivatives. The proposed ‘big, bold and simple’ national loan scheme should incentivise them to lend to small and medium sized businesses which would otherwise have no new credit at all. 

As Ms. Kelly said, the housing market is set for a boost as a result of these plans, young people will be able to get themselves on the property ladder, their fuel prices will be stabilized so they’re not affected every time the Ukrainians and Russians have a lovers tiff.  Should they get sick they can expect to be taken care of in the improved and more efficient NHS. They can expect thorough, caring, world class treatment because the Tories’ policy ringfences the NHS, ensuring it’s not degraded in any way. They can expect to be able to run a business or do a day’s labour without fear that their hard earned money will be unjustly or excessively taken from them and spent on frivolous government schemes which Labour has been all too happy to do.

Government will no longer pervade every facet of your life, it’ll be off your back, what this is is liberty from financial security. With these ‘etonian’ policies the big society can flourish without any fear of being broken by the big state. By this token, this house, firm in it’s convictions that we should be governed these Etonian policies, we would love to hear two words uttered more often in the classrooms of Eton. ‘Class Dismissed’

This house commends the motion to you, support the proposition, thank you.

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Midweek Musical Musing (No. 4.5) Face the Future - Black Bear Saloon

Seeing as the Glasgow Diamonds aren't really all that musical, and the fact that I love this song to bits, and now it's been adorned with a brilliant music video this needs to be shared. I hope everybody is going to see them at the @Belfast4Haiti gig, they should be mega. Many kudos go out to the organisers of the aforementioned gig especially @theronster - incidentally the lead singer of the aforementioned band.  

Enjoy muchly.

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Midweek Musical Musing (No.4) - Glasgow Diamond's Rap - Glasgow Diamonds

Apart from this being an utterly fantastic song on par with the Anfield Rap and World in Motion, it makes a couple of nice little points. Its the remnant of a bizarrely optimistic outlook, a Glasgow American football squad trying to make it, ultimately futile but they're having a crack anyway. Somewhat like the Assembly negotiations going on at the moment. Also, since when did ugly chicks stop trying to be cheerleaders? Nearly cried looking at some of the examples of womanhood in this video *shudder*.

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The sentiments of a somewhat colloquial Belfast native I bumped into in Tesco yesterday as I was perusing the Guardian. Seemingly this guy thought I look like the kind of guy who has a clue about politics and he wasn't wrong. 

So, what is Cameron at? As it goes, he's been having secret meetings at Hatfield House in Hertfordshire, it's owner - the most Unionist member of Major's government - The Marquess of Salisbury. Incidentally a man who funded the Mujahideen in Afghanistan who would go on to become the Taliban. So he's not averse to actions blowing up in his face. And of course this is the danger which exists in the content of these talks.

The speculation is rife as to what these secret talks at Hatfield House were about but there seems to be indication from the now former Conservative/Unionist candidates that they left as a result of talk of a Unionist accommodation to fight off Sinn Féin in the next round of elections. If this were the case, one has to look at the motives of Cameron in involving himself in this accommodation. Surely it's the fixation of manys a Tory (including Alan B'stard) the parliamentary majority. The Guardian today noted a poll which indicates that the Tory share of seats at Westminster could leave them with only a one seat majority or worse a hung parliament. Cameron is courting the unionists in a bid to ensure that his party has a voting majority in parliament, he patently doesn't care about what actually goes on here more that his position is shored up.

Well I can only implore Cameron to mind his own business for the time being, because his interest and lack of a bipartisan approach to these negotiations (despite protestations to the contrary) can only cause friction and perhaps cause an escalation in violence here. We've seen what happens when the British government comes down behind unionism and when it doesn't and I don't think that anyone can argue which has been the more successful approach. 

We shall see...

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Midweek Musical Musing (No.3) - A Little Solidarity Goes a Long Way - And So I Watch You From Afar

Okay, okay I missed Wednesday because of stress levels being at an all time high. Yayy for A-levels. I spotted this a while back and loved it. Eventually (staggered) to one of their concerts with the No More Art christmas do and they were _amazing_.

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Loving this. Fresh Prince and Star Wars rickrolling on Christian TV =P

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http://whatisdrwho.ytmnd.com/

I dare not describe this. Bizarre?

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There are few thing in this world as infuriating as an intermittent internet connection. I am fully aware that this is simply a first world problem and indeed would help me either study or pay more attention to getting up, walking about and making myself healthy through the tedious medium of exercise. I end up feeling demotivated, I get nothing done, I feel fractured and bored. I end up watching episodes of Jeremy Kyle and Come Dine With Me, eating bread straight out of the bag and feeling like a disgusting sloth.

This past while however has bred this kind of behaviour and I’m certainly not proud of it. I understand full well that sometimes we need things that are simply bad for us. Occasionally a famous person will be caught in a hotel room surrounded by hookers and cocaine, people are outraged. Seriously though, what else are you supposed to give hookers in a hotel room? Salad? Granola? It’s a case of cause and effect, so in order to get out of my unhealthy slump I need to get out of my room; the same way that the hotel room is the reason for depravity in the aforementioned famous person. The hotel room breeds bad behavour, it’s the only place on earth where the first act you engage in is stealing everything - shampoo, shower caps, hairdriers, bath robes. I can’t wait for next week to pass me by, things will most definitely look up after I get these exams out of the way.

The next post will have a topic. I swear.

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Midweek Musical Musing No. 2 - Sweet Transvestite - Tim Curry

So, politically things are taking twists for the bizarre, there’s been plenty of butcher bucking and point scoring, the TUV coming out once again with upside down badges and the cutest speech impediment I’ve ever seen - saying things like ‘assembwy’ and ‘powicing and justice’-  and the standing aside of Peter Robinson for a maximum of the next six weeks, leaving behind, perhaps most shockingly - Arlene Foster. So my Midweek Musical Tribute is to her. As I sat chewing on my renaissance style inky dippy pen, (yes I looked it up, that’s the technical term for these) I was pondering how to attach Foster musically. I thought, Come On Eileen might work - it sounds a bit like Arlene, or maybe Jolene by Dolly Parton but again I fear it wasn’t quite hitting the mark. It took a further four hours of study pondering and a quick glance at the paper to finally decide on this one.

But, be not surprised my friends by Robbo’s choice, because this makes a lot of sense. Firstly, look at the possible replacements, Sammy Wilson, Nigel Dodds and the eventual choice Arlene Foster. Sammy is an idiot. Nigel actually wants the job in the long term and perhaps so does Arlene. Nigel on the other hand is a crafty wee git. If he is seen to be doing a favour or be in any way implicated for helping Peter Robinson in any way, he can kiss any future leadership goodbye. Yet something I found to be of great interest was Foster’s reminder that ‘Peter Robinson hasn’t gone away you know’ surely, that’s the problem. The Sinn Féin press conference at 4 o’clock should be an interesting one.

In other news, I’ve resigned myself to the fact I’ll probably not do very well in my impending exams, in fact even writing about them is setting my heart off on a little bit of a jog. I’ve also become addicted to Dairy Milk and Jelly Babies, both of which I’ve noticed are frighteningly expensive. In fact, it’d probably be cheaper to be addicted to something which is actually addictive. Though they’re helping me out during this tough time when I have to deal with patronising  workmen. Also, don’t call me mate if I am not your mate. I am not your mate.

PS. Sorry for the lag in the video, close your eyes, it’s better that way. Actually it’s better that way in more ways than one, it’s one thing listening to the song, it’s another when Tim Curry is waving his junk in your face.

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I’ve noticed something disturbing, I’m wondering if I’m the only one. Has anybody else noticed some other people, during the tooth brushing process seem to brush so vigorously that they vomit a little bit or at least wretch? Is that not one of the most ridiculous things one can possibly do? It somewhat defeats the purpose of brushing, yet is a wonderful metaphor for people who try too hard. Quite simply, it is this type of person who blogs in a list. No, I’m not talking about the vermin who write blogs titled ‘Top Ten Cat Videos’ or ‘Ten Ways to Make Serifs Look Like Sexual Positions’, no no that’s pathetic enough for a whole other blog post, no, I’m talking about people who simply list every activity they took part in over the weekend. Pepper that with a couple of adjectives to describe the event and drizzled with a few menial emotions which never stray much from conventional wisdom and voila another piece of writing for the ether.

The point I’m making is that I’m doing my best to feel inspired, and I don’t like reading things that even I finish writing if it doesn’t seem to have anything of worth in it. Because of that, I don’t expect anybody else to want to read it either. Finding the balance between frequent posting and quality posts is a difficult one and is probably one that you’ve deduced that I haven’t quite mastered yet based on the quality of this post. You’re probably right too. I need sleep.

PS. Comments from Disqus are now implemented on this blog, sure they still need styled a bit but have a go, they’re not looking great but they still work.

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